Trauma is a result, not a cause.

Abusers will always find all kinds of excuses. 

Using being traumatised themselves as an excuse is unacceptable. This isn't the reason they abuse. It's their excuse. 

Abusing is not excused. 

We need to distinguish what is abuse and what isn't. A reaction to a trigger is not abuse. The distress of the person and how it is being expressed is not abuse. Though it can feel uncomfortable to someone else, abuse involves a whole relationship dynamic and patterns. The person in distress is not abusing the other person, the person in distress, or neurodivergent person who communicates in atypical ways is not abusive. 

A bad relationship is not necessarily abuse, either.

Usually the dynamics involved in abuse are related to some kind of power imbalance, and oppression. It can be economic power, patriarchy, neuronormativity, privileged positions that determine who is dominant [and whatever enables the abuse - which is never the victim]. Not a "personality" issue, not neurodivergency, not trauma.

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I can get how someone can see trauma in this. Let's dig deeper though to find the real causes. Trauma is a result, not a cause, it can be what we see. Many of us spent their whole lives knowing nothing about neurodivergency. We've been harmed by society. That's not (about) "trauma" really. Let's see what it really is.

Trauma is what is happenning in the nervous system of people. It's nothing more than this, it shouldn't be mystified, romanticised, demonised.

What I'm saying is not just label a situation that involves a whole complicated dynamic as "trauma", like a blanket statement.

Trauma doesn't really have to do with it, though it may be what we easily see.

It doesn't help to make it about "trauma". Like it concerns noone but the traumatised people and "the cycles of trauma".

The real causes are not addressed, we stay in a surface, and nothing changes.

We perpetuate the narrative of the "problematic behaviours" of neurodivergent people. (Trauma is neurodivergency too.)

Let's stop doing that. It's not true. It's not the case.