Ableist abuse
A lot of Autistic people (myself included) seem to have been in abusive relationships.
We have been misled by the NPD narrative of abuse, so that we once more blame and scapegoat neurodivergency for this, and the real culprits can continue to get away with it, the real causes not addressed. This is what is most likely happening, rather than the NPD narrative of abuse. This narrative places the responsibility in the "personality" of a person, in trauma and neurodivergency. Sometimes some societal causes do get addressed, but again it's not the truth, it's a self-consumed narrative that again blames trauma ("cycles of trauma"), false reasons as "poverty", "addiction", etc, and the real reason deep rooted in systemic injustice* is never addressed, the culprit again gets away with it.
*By this in no way I justify the person as having no responsibility of their actions, the exact opposite, the person must always be held accountable for the abuse. I'm only addressing a root, where the abusive person gets their power and enabling to abuse and get away with it.
I myself was into this narrative for a while after an abusive relationship, though I was always sceptic and didn't actually diagnose the abuser as necessarily having NPD, it did help me then frame and understand my experience. However it's time to move past this and see it as what it is, instead of making everything about "personality", neurodivergency and/or mental health. It won't help eventually, it perpetuates the stigma and harm against neurodivergent people.
Thanks to a friend who shared this video, this is what is happening most of the times to us, and not NPD ("narcissistic abuse").
[NPD stands for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and it is a psychiatric diagnosis in the DSM (psychiatric diagnostic manual).]
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The concept of "psychologisation" and particularly "psychologisation of evil" (or of abuse) and the deconstruction of this narrative is a centre of my thought and advocacy, and has been long before I discovered neurodivergency. I had always been advocating against mental health stigma, before I knew about neurodivergency.
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[can't manage a discussion at the moment]
[because of burnout from a lifetime of systemic AND interpersonal Ableist abuse, violation of my boundaries, and not being respected in a Neuronormative society.]
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I don't completely agree with everything in the video, because I want the focus completely to be shifted from the victim, it's not the Autistic person "being targeted", it's not something inherent to being Autistic that is responsible for this, it's the predatory person that is targeting and preying upon the Autistic person and is *enabled* to do so, by certain structures and power dynamics. They must be held accountable and change their harmful behaviours, not us complying to norms or communicating boundaries in order to not be abused, as if anything atypical is considered an invitation and permission to abuse us. It isn't.
And that shifting of focus has also been a centre of my advocacy. However it's a hint to what is actually happening, rather than narcissistic abuse, and a motive for sharing these thoughts.
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Our current legal system recognises some cases where a perpetrator is not capable of being conscious of the abuse. That is the only case the perpetrator's mental "condition" can have some relevance, and that is not something that can be easily decided. In any other case *mental health* is completely irrelevant and harmful to be mentioned. This usually happens, by lawyers and reinforced by media to create a certain impression. This is very harmful and we shouldn't fall for this game. Was the perpetrator capable/conscious of their action? Then their *mental health* is completely irrelevant.
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As for the "cycles of trauma", and relating "trauma" to abuse, see my post.
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